This pamphlet is an account of God leading me to the only trust and confidence which gives a sure hope of eternal life. He has brought me to rest in the person and work of a substitute, the Lord Jesus Christ. Several reasons came to mind, prompting me to write this article. First, it is written to exalt my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, and to proclaim His free, sovereign, effectual grace in delivering (snatching) me from the power of darkness and translating me into the kingdom of his dear Son (Col. 1:13). Second, it is to exalt the Lord by paying loving tribute to the man who, in the providence of God, is both my fleshly and spiritual father. Third, I wish this to be a source of instruction and encouragement to my dear children. Perhaps it will help them avoid the mistakes I made, while witnessing the amazing and abundant grace God bestowed upon such a sinner as I (Rom. 5:1). Fourth, I desire it to be a living testimony and reminder to my brothers and sisters. If any one of us dies in our sins and goes into "outer darkness", we will be without excuse. It would be like a person carrying a bright lantern, but groping in darkness and danger because his eyes are closed against the light. The Lord has graciously given us such a light in our dear father. Finally, I want to make some comments on things encountered which I now consider to have been either "helps" or "hindrances" in coming to find rest for my soul in the Lord Jesus Christ. My prayer is that God will make them helpful to every reader.
Maurice Montgomery
I find it rather hard to imagine what it would be like to grow up outside of religion, with no biblical background or instruction. As far back as I can remember, my family's life has revolved around the Word of God and the worship of God. As I was growing up, there was no doubt in my mind that the most important thing in my father's life, was the honor, glory, and worship of God. Not that he ever tried to act religious or put on any kind of religious show to be seen of men. In fact the very opposite is true. Not only did he not seek the attention and praise of men, but sought to avoid it, being embarrassed by it. To the people around him, I'm sure he appeared to be an ordinary husband and father, carrying out those duties quietly and inconspicuously. He was a farmer who performed the duties and functions of a farmer, doing those natural, necessary, every day things of life with extraordinary and exemplary diligence and honesty. A man who was always faithful to his church. But to me, it was always evident that his decisions in the home, in the field, and in the marketplace, were based upon his understanding of the revealed will of God in the Scriptures. Personal or family profit, advantage, nor convenience ever influenced his decisions. To the best of his knowledge and understanding he was always motivated by one determining factor, "Will it honor and glorify God?" He never left his "faith" at church, and his "faith" never left him when he was in the world. Like all of God's justified ones he "lived by faith" and the honor and glory of God was his aim in all things.
All of us six children knew that it was foolish to ask if we had to go to church. We were taught that it was a great privilege to hear the gospel, and although we might not consider it so, we were not only expected to attend the church services, but would do so as long as we were juveniles and living at home. There were many times when I had no desire to go to church or any interest in hearing the gospel, but I never doubted that my hearing the gospel was important to dad. As my brothers and I grew older, it was dad's intention to teach us a sense of responsibility. Consequently, he purchased two cows for each of us and required us to get up each morning and milk them before going to school. Rain or shine. Winter and summer. But, Sundays were different! Dad would faithfully rise extra early on Sunday to do all the milking so that we could sleep later and be well rested during the preaching of God's word. Yes, I grew up knowing that my hearing the gospel was more important than anything else!
I had no appreciation for it at the time, but today I am thankful beyond expression for the interest he had in my soul, the consistent "life of faith" he lived before me, and the privilege of growing up as I did, hearing the gospel of the free justifying grace of God which is in Christ Jesus. From a small child, as a matter of doctrine, there has never been any doubt in my mind that "Salvation is of the Lord" (Jonah 2:9), through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ (Eph. 2:8,9). Amidst all of the religious confusion of this world, what a blessing it was to possess that basic knowledge! As I grew up in church listening to men preach, listening to men pray, and listening to the words of some of the songs we sang relating to the supposed Christian experience, there were some erroneous and dangerous ideas conceived in my mind concerning how God saves sinners, and what it is to get saved. Because of some fanciful, unrealistic words and phrases I heard men use in preaching, praying and singing, I foolishly imagined that when God saved a sinner, that sinner would "experience" some kind of explosive, spiritual, emotional upheaval. His soul would suddenly be filled with joy and excitement, the stars would shine more brightly, and the birds sing more sweetly. I foolishly imagined that when this "great experience" came, the sinner would be a believer and a Christian.
Living under those misconceptions, I often sat through the "invitation" at the end of the preacher's message filled with emotion hoping that would be the hour when "I" would have that "great experience". But it never came. I often went home sad, disappointed, full of anxieties and fears. Naturally, I put such troubling thoughts out of my mind as quickly as possible and would be "happy-go-lucky" as long as the sun was shining and the weather was nice. But often at night, or when the sky turned dark and a big storm came, I got off to myself, and cried unto God for mercy, knowing that I was without Christ, fearing that the world might end and my soul be lost forever.
I vividly remember one storm. I was standing alone on the back porch of our home. Suddenly, a mighty flash of lightning struck a huge sycamore tree at the corner of our stock barn splitting it down the middle. What a mighty, humanly uncontrollable force! What an act of God! I stood terrified and weeping, crying unto God for mercy, fearing the lightning might strike again . . . and get me! Oh, how I feared the thought of death, realizing that I was a sinner without a Saviour!
I lived like this past my eighteenth birthday with no one knowing, or I suppose even suspecting, the anxieties and fears which often troubled my soul. With my friends, I tried to act as if I was totally indifferent and unconcerned about my soul, or spiritual and eternal things. I'm not sure why, but I would have been embarrassed for them to have known my secret anxieties and fears. However, when it pleased the Lord to impress upon my mind serious thoughts concerning my soul and eternity, how miserable and afraid I was, and how empty and alone, even in a crowd! The words of Augustine are so true: "The soul of man will never rest till it comes to rest in Him who made it."
A few months after I turned eighteen, I joined the Air Force and flew to San Antonio, Texas, where I took my basic training. Although I was away from my home, my family, and my church, I often continued to have serious thoughts of God, heaven and hell, and feared for my unsaved soul. It was during this same time that I wrote a letter home trying to express my appreciation to my parents for the religious instruction they had given me; even though that instruction was the very thing which often caused me such pain and distress. You see, I had met some young men during basic training who claimed "not to believe in God" and I felt sorry for them. Though I did not know God, was unreconciled to God, and thoughts of God often filled my soul with dread and fear, I knew there was a God and felt sorry for those who didn't. (Looking back, I also felt that I was a great deal more righteous than they were!)
I was shipped to Illinois after my basic training was completed, but did not stay there very long. The Air Force presented me with the opportunity of volunteering for a tour of duty in Okinawa. Excited with the proposition, I signed to go. Consequently, I was given several days leave which I enjoyed at home with my family and friends before going away for eighteen months. The day I left for the airport to fly to Okinawa is one of the most memorable and significant days of my entire life. As I was saying goodbye to my family, my father walked up to me, shook my hand, and with tear-filled eyes spoke three words to me, "GOD GOES EVERYWHERE", then turned and went back to the house. By the power and grace of God, these three words became my "Achilles Heel" with regard to my peace of mind. For a long time I had not enjoyed any lasting peace of mind, and because of those three words, my condition was now far worse than before.
No matter where I went or what I did these words kept coming to mind, bringing with them a reality of the presence of God, as well as an acute awareness of my state of unbelief, my lostness, and the fearfulness of being in such a state. What miserable times those were! They came more and more often until I began drinking to dull my conscience and help me not to think about God. (I'm amazed that God didn't let me go to hell!) But that didn't work very well because it was difficult for me to drink enough. I could drink until I was staggering, but somehow God kept my mind working and I always knew who I was and what I was doing. The alcohol only temporarily dulled the pain of my nagging conscience. My guilt was multiplied ten-fold when I wasn't drinking, giving my conscience more evidence with which to convict and torment me. I realized I was only adding sin to sin against God, and my situation was growing worse and worse.
My consciousness of what I was doing, as strange and contradictory as it may seem to the natural man, never effected any permanent improvement in me. One day I might be plagued with sorrow and depression because of guilt and fear for my soul. However, rather than seek the Lord, I might pursue sin and wickedness like a madman the next day. One day I would firmly resolve to do better and the next I might find myself acting the same as before . . . or even worse! The awful sins I committed against divine light and mercy, against a condemning conscience, and against my own soul, are better forever left unspoken to my personal and private shame before God. But through it all, praise His name, the Lord spared me and kept me from serious harm, and brought me to realize that I not only needed to be saved from hell, I needed to be saved from my sinful self! I became afraid, not only for myself, but of myself!
I always looked upon myself as basically "good". I knew what was morally right and had lived, for the most part, a relatively moral life, secretly (sometimes not so secretly) condemning those with "loose morals". It is true I had done, and was doing some "bad" things, but I knew they were bad, acknowledged they were bad, and even called them bad. Yet, it never entered my mind that those "bad things" might be characteristic of me. God began to show me some things. I began to see the real me, the inside, what I was by nature. Previously, I had only seen and judged myself according to outward deeds–and then not honestly. But now I had a consciousness before God of the sinfulness of my mind, imagination, and heart. Without providential restraints like my family's love and respect, my love of reputation, fear of the law, and fear of injury or death, etc., I began to see what I was capable of. (The strong desire for my superiors' approval, to stay out of trouble, be a top soldier, get that next promotion, etc., was a strong restraint upon me.) Yet, all the while, I knew that those restraints were contrary to something inside me, my nature, my will; and that deep down inside, I "loved the pleasures of sin".
My condition soon became desperate. I began to seriously and earnestly seek the Lord for the first time in my life, not merely because I didn't want to go to hell, but because I needed help, I needed grace, I needed salvation, I needed God! At every opportunity I began to get alone and read the Scriptures. Sadly, I first learned how ignorant I was. Though I had grown up in church, heard so much preaching, and all of the biblical terms relating to salvation (ransom, redemption, atonement, propitiation) I had never given serious consideration to what they meant. Now things were different. At this time I wasn't interested because dad said I ought to be, but because God made me interested. I began to compile a dictionary of all the words I didn't fully understand, and looked them up because I really wanted to learn from God. I needed to learn from God.
I knew a few things, as mere doctrine, when I began studying the Scriptures. As mentioned, I knew salvation was of the Lord, salvation was in Christ, and salvation was through faith in Christ. But I didn't really understand any of these things. I spent many hours and days reading the Scriptures, praying, and crying unto God, "trying to get saved". But in the back of my mind I was still holding on to the old idea that salvation was some kind of great sudden, spiritual, and emotional experience, and if I could only have this experience, then I would be a Christian. However, I began to realize from reading the Scriptures the great importance of faith, (Eph. 2:10; Rom. 5:1; 10:17) and the idea began to emerge that faith would give me that great experience. Oh, how I tried to believe! I tried, and tried, and tried . . . a fearful, weeping pitiful, ignorant sinner, trying to believe up some kind of indescribable salvation experience! Why couldn't I believe? Why wouldn't God hear and help me? Must I die in my sins? The words of Charles Wesley very fitly describe the attitude and anxieties which troubled my soul at that time:
"Depth of mercy! Can there be,
Mercy still reserved for me?
Can My God His wrath forbear?
Me, the chief of sinners spare?
I have long withstood His grace,
Long provoked Him to His face,
Would not hearken to His calls . . ."
After remaining in this condition for some time, the Lord in His own time, was pleased to show mercy to me in my distress. He repeatedly brought to mind a message I heard when only a young teenager. It was a message which effected me greatly when I heard it and a message in which the preacher clearly preached and illustrated the substitutionary death of the Lord Jesus Christ for guilty sinners. In the purpose and grace of God, that message was often on my mind. Then, on an occasion when I was crying unto God and trying hard to believe, I was struck with the realization that I couldn't believe! My hope was cut off! In my desperation, I continued the only thing I knew to do. I kept reading the Scriptures and begging God for help. Any kind of divine help! A short time later, while meditating upon I Peter 2:21-25, the realization came to me, "I DO BELIEVE!" I believed God. I believed this passage of Scripture. I believed the gospel. I believed the Lord Jesus Christ "bore my sins in His own body on the tree." Faith had "COME" to me (Rom. 10:17). Faith had come to me as a free gift from God. Not through my own efforts, nor through my trying to believe, but when I GAVE UP TRYING.
Long for salvation I yearned,
And long I tried to believe;
But when I despaired of all trying,
And looked to mercy alone for relief;
Then, I saw Christ's doing and dying;
And realized, the Lord has given me faith!
The Spirit of God, through His Word, somehow generated faith in my soul. Faith came without a great, explosive, emotional experience! Through seeing what He accomplished for guilty, helpless sinners, I found that I had peace with God through a believing, trusting, submission to the Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord gave me "joy and peace in believing". Somehow, like Abraham before me, I believed God.
"I know not why God's wondrous grace,
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love,
Redeemed me for His own.
I know not how this saving faith,
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word,
Wrought peace within my heart.I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing men of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith within.
But `I know Whom I have believed,
And am persuaded, that He is able
To keep that which I have committed,
Unto Him against that day.'"
I wrote a letter home to my parents and the pastor of the church where I grew up informing them of what the Lord had done for me. They made arrangements for a missionary from Japan to come to Okinawa and baptize me. A few weeks later, April, 1959, I was baptized in the East China Sea, publicly confessing Christ before three professing Christians and a small group of curious onlookers. In His marvelous and sovereign grace the Lord never left me to myself and my own ways, but overcame my rebellion, giving me a new will, causing me to desire His ways (Ps. 110:3; John 17:2; Phil. 1:6; 2:12,13). He brought me to graciously submit to and publicly confess the Christ whom I had long been ashamed of, the one I despised, rejected, and sought to avoid. It has been my desire since that time to declare that "Salvation is of the Lord" (Jonah 2:9), and to be identified with the Lord Jesus Christ, His truth, and His people.
Now, some comments upon those things which were either "helps" or "hindrances" on my way to finding rest for my soul in the Lord Jesus Christ. I make mention first of those things which were "helps". The foundation of all human helps was my parents. In the mercy and grace of God I was born to parents who loved and feared God and highly esteemed His Word. I was privileged to grow up under their teachings and examples and they saw to it that I attended church services where I heard the gospel of Christ, that "good news" from God to His fallen, sinful, human creatures.
Consider what a blessing, what an advantage, what a "help", this was to my soul! Only the eternal Son of God chose who His mother would be and the time and circumstances of His incarnation and birth. As mere sinful mortals, we are subject to the sovereign providence of our God in all circumstances. Humanly speaking, I could have been born into a family of pagan idolaters, or to parents who were mere religious formalists, "having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof" (II Tim. 3:1-5). Then all of us probably would have passed out of this world trusting in religion while never having heard the truth of the true and living God and His full, free, justifying grace which is in Christ Jesus. I am so thankful. My soul praises God for these merciful and gracious providential "helps" which aided in my hearing the glorious gospel of Christ, through which it pleases God to save guilty sinners, and through which it pleased Him to save this sinner! To be saved, a sinner must hear and understand who Christ is, what He has accomplished for sinners, and what He is to sinners--SALVATION! (Luke 2:30; John 11:25; 14:6; Col. 3:4).
When I consider those things which were "hindrances" to the salvation of my soul, the first thing which comes to mind is myself, my sinful nature, which I inherited from my father Adam. "The natural man (what all men are by birth) receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned" (I Cor. 2:14). You see, because I grew up in religion, and had received some religious training, I thought that my ideas concerning God, sin, righteousness, grace, etc., were true. I had to be taught of God that I had no true spiritual knowledge of anything. But as long as I thought I could see, I would never see (John 9:39-41). The natural man, as I did, thinks he can see, can understand, can receive spiritual things, but he is deceived. It isn't true. In fact, as the above text clearly states, it is impossible! (Rom. 8:8) "There is a way that seemeth right unto a man (natural, unregenerate man) but the end thereof are the ways of death" (Prov. 16:25). It was this very thing which led to the Jewish leaders rejecting and crucifying the Lord Jesus Christ (I Cor. 2:8). They thought they could "see" (John 9:39-41), that they were not in "bondage" to sin (John 8:32-37), and therefore, they could "establish their own righteousness," acceptable unto God (Rom. 10:1-4; 11:7-10). But until a man is "born again" (John 3:3), "born of God" (John 1:13), and possesses that "new nature" (Eph. 2:10), that spiritual and divine nature (II Pet. 1:4; II Cor. 5:14-17), he does not have eyes to see, ears to hear, nor a heart to perceive or understand spiritual things, the things of God (Deut. 29:4). Therefore he certainly cannot truly repent or savingly believe unto righteousness.
It is at this point, the very foundation of true Christianity, where most of what passes for evangelism has gone astray. The great majority of today's so-called "evangelism" is based upon the false notion that faith is the cause rather than the effect of the new birth or new nature. Consequently, as they blindly "put the cart before the horse," they would make the sinner to be his own saviour or deliverer. This false premise, upon which all of their religious practices are built, makes God to be dependent upon man, the Creator to be dependent upon the creature, and the "mighty to save" to be dependent upon the sinner (Isa. 63:1; Ps. 110:3; John 17:2), rather than accepting and declaring the truth--that the sinner is totally dependent upon the mercy and grace of his God. But this way "seemeth right" to them (Prov. 16:25). In their natural blindness and ignorance (Eph. 4:18; II Cor. 4:3), they will not sit still and have the truth declared unto them that they are totally at God's disposal. He can do with them as He wills (Matt. 20:15). He can gloriously quicken them unto life or justly pass them by, leaving them to perish in their sins. In other words, "salvation is of the Lord" (Jonah 2:9; Rom. 9:16; John 5:21).
This leads me to the second great "hindrance" to the salvation of my soul. The popular religious practice most commonly referred to as the "invitation" or "altar call." The time when sinners, at the end of the sermon, are directed to come to a specified place to "seek the Lord or receive the Lord, repeat some form of sinner's prayer, invite or let Jesus come into their hearts, give their lives to Jesus, make their decision for Jesus," etc. The phrases describing the reason for the act are numerous and varied, but the final result is supposed to be the same--the salvation of those who respond.
This practice, though not nearly as exaggerated in the days of my youth as today, was nonetheless a great hindrance to the salvation of my soul. I would sit through the preacher's sermon with great expectancy, waiting for the "invitation," waiting for something to happen to me during that time. It was always at that time the preacher would persuade sinners to believe and accept Christ. In retrospect, what I should have been doing was listening to the testimony of Jesus Christ as He was being preached to me, because the Holy Spirit and saving faith comes to sinners as they are "hearing of Him" (Gal. 3:1,2).
In our present day, this practice has advanced to the stage where it has diminished and minimized the importance of the preacher's message. It has brought preachers and hearers alike to look to that spiritual, emotional, climactic time as, not only sacred, but an indispensable tool in the salvation of sinners. It causes sinners, as it did me, to wait for that special time, the "invitation," for that salvation experience; rather than give serious attention to the preacher's message. (Thank God that, by His grace, He caused me to seriously listen to the preacher a few times and hear the gospel of substitution plainly declared.) To illustrate my point: I attended college with a fellow who loved to tell about his religious experience. He was quite proud of it and very confident in it. He said to me several times, "I don't remember a word the preacher said that day. I just felt something inside me influencing me to go forward and receive Jesus. And, that's what I did." This would be sad if it were only one isolated case, but I fear that such testimonies are very common in our day. Can you imagine such a thing? The poor fellow had no idea what the preacher said in his sermon. He just "felt he must go forward and receive Jesus." This is not a biblical reason for professing Jesus. It is simply a subtle form of religious formalism and superstition. The Lord does not draw and lead His people by infusing feelings into them, but by implanting truth in their hearts, "the truth as it is in Jesus." If our feelings are not generated by the truth, and based upon the truth, then those feelings did not come from Him.
In spite of the fact there is no such practice to be found in the Scriptures, the "invitation" or "altar call" has become, above any other single practice, the most important part of the modern evangelistic service, for therein lies their success in "winning sinners for Jesus." Suppose some evangelist came to town to conduct a series of religious services, and concluded the first service by simply closing his Bible and saying, "You are dismissed. Please go home and think about what you have heard. I hope to see you tomorrow night." What do you think the reaction would be? Why, the people wouldn't know what to do. They would probably sit there in a state of shock and unbelief, wondering, "What's wrong with this preacher? Aren't we going to sing that old `invitational hymn', Just As I Am, while he tries to persuade sinners to come forward and receive Jesus? How are sinners going to get saved this way? This preacher is some kind of heretic!" Such, I fear, is the present state of the churches.
Are they drawn to Christ by the preacher's persuasive words at the end of his message, while the musicians softly sing "Just As I Am?" No, they aren't. Not most of the time, not part of the time, not ever! (I Cor. 2:1-5). Sinners are saved by being drawn to the Lord Jesus Christ, by coming to Him in believing trust and confidence. But they can only come to Him as they see Him, and they can only see Him as they are taught of Him or hear of Him (John 6:44, 45; Rom. 10:14-17).
This truth is beautifully illustrated in Genesis chapter 24. In this inspired narrative Abraham sends his servant Eliezer to Mesopotamia to get a wife for his son Isaac. Being providentially led to a young lady named Rebecca, Eliezer created such a desire in her heart for Isaac that she was willing to leave her own family and country, travel to a strange land, and become his wife, a man whom she had never seen! How did he persuade her to go with him? The answer is very simple: He truthfully described Isaac to her, telling her of his excellent qualities, characteristics, wealth, etc. Afterwards, when he asked her if she would go, she said "I will go." You see, Rebecca believed Eliezer's testimony concerning Isaac, and in that testimony, in that truth, she saw, loved, and embraced Isaac. Even so, it is through the preaching of "Jesus Christ and him crucified" the Holy Spirit gives sinners faith to see and embrace him (I Cor 1:21; 2:2).
Simply stated, Christ must be revealed in order to be known and believed. He sovereignly reveals Himself to whom He pleases, as he is truthfully and faithfully declared and proclaimed (Rom 1:16-17; Cor 1:18-24), where He is held up before sinners as Moses held up the brazen serpent before the congregation in the wilderness (John 3:14,15; Matt. 11:27; 16:17; II Cor. 4:6). Salvation is a spiritual, supernatural revelation of Jesus Christ to the sinner's soul (Gal. 1:15,16), THROUGH THE PREACHED WORD (I Cor. 1:18-24).
I remind every reader that the most important thing in the world is the salvation of your precious, immortal soul (Matt. 16:26), and that "Salvation is of the Lord" (Jonah 2:9). You cannot save yourself, or make yourself more savable. Apart from the power and grace of God, you cannot repent, you cannot savingly believe, or perform any spiritual exercise which is acceptable unto God. You are in bad condition. You desperately need God to do something for you. You don't deserve anything but hell, and that is all God owes you. But He is very merciful and gracious, and delights to save lost sinners. There is hope for you in His mercy and grace which is in Christ Jesus, but only as you hear of Christ, look to Christ, and meditate upon Him. You do not need a "soul winner", you do not need anyone to tell you what to say or what to pray. All you need is to see Him! The Lord Jesus Christ, the sinner's Substitute. But you must hear Him preached, because that is how He reveals Himself to sinners. "Faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God" (Rom. 10:17). Will you hear, or will you die in your sins? "Hear, ye deaf; and look, ye blind, that ye may see" (Isa. 42:18). "Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David" (Isa. 55:3).